Likeability is not a black and white issue. I don’t think it’s possible to dislike everything about someone any more than it’s possible to like everything about someone. All relationships live on a likeability continuum and they change every day.
It’s also important to note that likeability can not exist in a vacuum. You are neither likable or unlikable by yourself. Likeability can only be defined in the mind of the person thinking about you. And what they think about you changes on a regular basis. Let me explain.
There are many factors that fashion likeability. When you add all of those factors together you get a pretty good idea of just how much you like someone. It’s important to note that this person may have a completely different relationship, (and therefore a completely different likeability factor) with someone else. You see this happen all the time.
Jane and Joe go out for dinner and meet a very flirtatious female waitress. Joe thinks she’s great and Jane has a very different opinion of her. Hmmmm! But why?
Think of someone you know. It could be anyone from a close friend to an acquaintance. Rate them on a scale of 0-10 for each likability factor and total your score.
- My first impression of this person was (0-10) ___
- This person likes me (0-10) ___
- This person is like me (0-10) ___
- This person is fun to be with (0-10) ___
- This person inspires me (0-10) ___
- This is an attractive person (0-10) ___
- I am with this person frequently (0-10) ___
- I associate this person with good feelings (0-10) ___
- I’ve helped this person (0-10) ___
- This person has something I admire (0-10) ___
- This person is courteous to others (0-10) ___
- What you see is what you get (0-10) ___
Now, add your points. If you have a score of 60 or more, you generally like this person. The higher your score, the more you like them. The lower your score, the less you like them. (This doesn’t mean that you dislike them, it just means that you don’t necessarily like them.)
Notice how your score concerning this person can change from day to day. You may have a conversation on Monday about a movie you both liked and then a different conversation on Tuesday about your opposing views on politics. Their score for question three could have gone from an eight to a zero.
Here are the three things I want you to take away from this exercise.
Likeability is comprised of many factors.
Likeability is dynamic. It’s always changing.
You have control over most … if not all of the likeability factors.
If you had a score of more than 60 points, stop what you’re doing right now and tell this person that you like them. They will like you even more for doing so. Well, what are you waiting for?