If you’ve ever asked someone if they’ve been avoiding you, they have!” Most people won’t tell you that of course because they’re trying to be polite. They’ll tell you that they’ve been busy or that they didn’t receive your message or some other white lie, but they won’t tell you the truth. And the truth is, “Yes,” they have been avoiding you and here’s why.
We go into avoidance mode when we anticipate an unpleasant experience. We put off seeing the dentist in anticipation of physical pain. We avoid firing an unproductive employee because we don’t want to deal with the emotional issues and guilt. We ignore telephone calls from certain people because we don’t enjoy talking to them. We’re a community of people who would rather avoid and lie when we get caught, than have to deal with an unpleasant experience.
We like people who make us feel good about ourselves and we don’t like people who make us feel bad. When you ask someone if they’ve been avoiding you, they’re going to lie. It’s easier for them to make a lame excuse and spare your feelings, than it is for them to confront you with the truth. Unfortunately, in doing so, they will feel bad about themselves for lying, and like you less in the process.
Help Me Feel Good About Myself
If you want people to like you, you must help them feel good about themselves and you can’t do that by putting them in a no-win position of either having to lie to you or hurt your feelings. Here’s the solution. Read more »