http://www.bobsommers.com/when-people-say-stupid-things-607.html Bob Sommers Tue, 17 Jan 2012 03:23:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 http://www.bobsommers.com/when-people-say-stupid-things-607.html/comment-page-1#comment-4121 Ben Fri, 30 Dec 2011 05:54:01 +0000 http://www.bobsommers.com/?p=607#comment-4121 I had known about the Inverse BF effect from auditing a social psych class many years ago but this fantastic re-telling of it helped me make new connections to events that have happened to me in the past with various people. Most notably, I had a very dysfunctional relationship with my first girlfriend where she would alternately abuse me psychologically and express regret for being so mean to me. Turns out I had very low self-esteem and would react to her meanness by beating myself up further, which of course invoked the IBF effect and so on. Several years after she left me for another person, I heard from another friend that she had been telling her friends that we had broken up because I was cheating on her (which I didn't). In my mind thereafter she was just a monster I happened to come across. Now I know better, that I was partly to blame for encouraging her behavior through my own lack of self-love. I had known about the Inverse BF effect from auditing a social psych class many years ago but this fantastic re-telling of it helped me make new connections to events that have happened to me in the past with various people. Most notably, I had a very dysfunctional relationship with my first girlfriend where she would alternately abuse me psychologically and express regret for being so mean to me. Turns out I had very low self-esteem and would react to her meanness by beating myself up further, which of course invoked the IBF effect and so on. Several years after she left me for another person, I heard from another friend that she had been telling her friends that we had broken up because I was cheating on her (which I didn’t). In my mind thereafter she was just a monster I happened to come across. Now I know better, that I was partly to blame for encouraging her behavior through my own lack of self-love.

]]> http://www.bobsommers.com/when-people-say-stupid-things-607.html/comment-page-1#comment-73 Janique Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:43:49 +0000 http://www.bobsommers.com/?p=607#comment-73 I enjoyed this..This is absolutely an amazing concept. I understood it and definitely think I can put it into practice. It's like not sweating the small stuff. I enjoyed this..This is absolutely an amazing concept. I understood it and definitely think I can put it into practice. It’s like not sweating the small stuff.

]]>