The Human Experiment

If you’re not familiar with Skype, it’s a free Internet based video conferencing tool. If you and the person you want to communicate with have a computer, a video camera and a fast Internet connection, you can see and speak to each other over the Internet for free.

Skype is not only a very cool way to communicate with family and friends, it also provides an amazing insight into human nature and likeability.

When you skype with someone, you’ll see a video of them and a video of yourself on your computer screen. And, unlike talking to someone in person where you have an opportunity to look directly into their eyes, when you use Skype you have to look into the camera in order to create the illusion that your looking at them. If you don’t, the person on the other end of the connection will think you’re distracted and not paying attention.

What Do You Do?

People do one of three things when they Skype: they look directly into the camera, they look at the video of the person they’re speaking to, or they look at themselves. All three are problematic and here’s why.

When you look directly into the camera, it looks to the person on the other end of the connection as if you’re looking directly at them. The problem however, is that when you look into the camera, you’re missing the show. You’re not able to see the video of the person you’re talking to … which was what made this technology so amazing in the first place.

This Is How A Teleprompter Works

I’m not going to lie to you, it’s very hard to carry on a conversation with an unresponsive video camera for an extended length of time. It give you about as much feedback as an employee at the DMV when you try to persuade them why the answer to question number six on the drivers test is wrong.

The second option is to look at the video of the person your talking to. It seems like the natural thing to do, but it will not provide the results you expect. When you look at their video, it looks to them as if you’re looking off into the distance.

The final option, which is the worst and most common thing people do when using Skype, is to look at yourself during the conversation. It’s not only narcissistic, but it creates the feeling that you’re not paying attention to them … which you’re not, because you’re paying attention to yourself.

Both Joel and I have had enough experience on Skype to know that this is true, and we admitted to each other that we do the same thing.

Here’s what we decided to do in order to project our attention to each other using this tool. Whether we actually do the next time we Skype is yet to be seen.

Now What?

Start by hiding the video of you on your computer. This will help you avoid the temptation to look at yourself during the conversation. You can either move it off screen or minimize the window so that it does not show.

Then, reduce the size of the video of the person you’re talking to and move their video window directly under your camera. The closer their video is to your camera, the more it will create the illusion that you’re looking at them during the conversation.

Look directly into the camera. This takes practice … a lot of practice. It’s an unnatural thing to do, but it will give you the results you’re looking for.

When I was younger I made a commercial for Federal Express. Memorizing my lines were hard enough, but looking directly into the TV camera while delivering them was impossible. I found myself looking at everyone in the room including the cameraman, the director and the producer.

You Have To See This For Yourself

After a dozen takes, the director asked me to look at the results of my work. He played back the video and I was stunned to find how awkward and inattentive I looked. After that, I had no problem looking directly into the camera and the results were great.

And finally, knowing that the majority of people are more concerned about how they look than how you look, start your conversation by giving them an external compliment. Tell them how wonderful they look and be specific.

Not only will they appreciate you noticing, but if you follow their eyes during your compliment, you will be able to determine exactly where and how often they look at themselves during your conversation … and  it’s a lot.

Don’t let this hurt your feelings. Odds are, the person you’re conferencing with doesn’t know any better, and even if they did, it’s unlikely they will change their behavior.

Things Will Never Be The Same

The secret to demonstrating your likeability on Skype, or on any other video conferencing system, is to do what is unnatural. Talk to the camera and only look at the video of the person you’re speaking to briefly. Don’t worry about not looking at them during your conversation, they will look at themselves enough to make up for both of you. That’s life in the 21st Century.

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Knowing how to get people to like themselves is the key to being liked. It’s the key to happiness, longevity, health and success. Enjoy the site!

Bob Sommers
The Likeability Guy

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